True story #1

You might wonder where Glen got his magical turtle*.

It started with his brain operation. Glen had a parasite in his brain and had it removed in a private hospital with many luxury amenities. His room, for example, had a fireplace and cable TV. He had a private nurse who had access to a fridge full of pudding. Etcetera.

Since they were spoiling him rotten, Glen decided to ask if he could keep the brain parasite after they removed it. The surgeon made a face like “we don’t usually do that” but at the same time, he didn’t really give a shit and his daughter wanted to go to gun camp, which was expensive. So when Glen was brought back to his room after the procedure, the thing was in a urine sample cup on the bedside table. It looked like a wiggly black chunk of muscle, like if you carved a wedge out of an eel with an exacto knife.

As soon as he was sprung from the luxury pudding hospital, Glen went fishing and used the brain worm as bait. He caught his magical turtle on the first cast.

*Jewel-encrusted shell, can fly, grants wishes